


Love in a Time of War

by icandrawamoth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Death, Developing Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Grief/Mourning, I Love You, swrarepairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 00:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16733820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: Tallie and Paige never talk about the obvious fear: that one day one of them might not come back from a mission. They both know it's there, hovering over them each time they kiss before parting to climb into their ships, but why give it more power when there's nothing they can do about it? They're warriors, have been from the moment they met, and it's just a fact of who they are. The odds of both of them surviving until the end of this war are small, but they're not going to let that color what they have now, take away from the miracle that the opposite might happen.





	Love in a Time of War

**Author's Note:**

  * For [primeideal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primeideal/gifts).



i.

Though Tallie is smart enough not to admit it now, it would still be a lie to say she didn't join the Resistance at least partly for the glory. She grew up listening to her parents' stories of the Rebellion against the Empire. So many familiar names – Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Wedge Antilles – are her heroes. The reasons she became a fighter pilot.

But even from the beginning, the Resistance wasn't what she expected. It wasn't all fighting and adventure. General Organa herself as well as Tallie's direct superiors had disabused her of that notion immediately. Much of what goes on in the Resistance base is routine: people need to be fed, hallways need to be cleaned, ships and equipment need to be maintained.

And it is a cold war. There aren't nearly as many battles as Tallie had imagined. In fact, she tends to spend very little time in her ship outside of the occasional flight exercise. She impresses when she is in the air, though, and soon comes to find herself in a leadership position. Even Poe Dameron trusts her skills above many of the others, and she's absolutely tickled by that.

This is how she comes to find herself nearby when the Tico sisters join the Resistance, assigned to show them around and introduce them to their new comrades. Rose is standoffish from the start, shy and uncertain but fierce, slow to trust. Tallie has no trouble understanding that with the things she's heard of what the first order did to their homeworld.

Paige is different. A few years older than Rose, she's confident and curious, and she asks Tallie a million questions, effortlessly answering every one Tallie fires back at her. She's pretty, too, and Tallie is thankful she herself isn't the easily flustered type, because she finds very quickly that Paige has a smile that could make a lesser being's knees weak.

Rose seems to notice her attention and eyes Tallie suspiciously, but Tallie does her best to put her at ease, explaining that they're safe now. The Resistance will take care of them if they work hard, and together they'll get justice for Otomok.

 

ii.

Tallie kisses Paige for the first time a week later against _Cobalt Hammer_ after showing her the ship she's been assigned to. Paige gives back as good as she gets, grinning when Tallie finally pulls back, hands framing Paige's face, stomach sparking at the way her eyes shine.

“I told Rose she was imagining things,” Paige says breathlessly. “Guess I was wrong.” She pulls Tallie in again, winding fingers through her hair. “The Resistance allows this sort of thing?” she asks against Tallie's lips.

“We're not the Empire,” Tallie answers with a giddy laugh. “No fraternization rules.”

“Good.”

 

iii.

After that, they're all but inseparable. Tallie's A-wing group is assigned to escort Cobalt Squadron whenever they go out on a mission, and when the two of them are onbase, they likewise spend most of their time together. Rose is usually there, too, never far from her sister's side, but Tallie finds she doesn't mind. Rose is sweet, and she's losing her defensive shell as she and Tallie get to know each other better as well. She seems to trust Tallie with her sister, and for that Tallie is grateful.

They never talk about the obvious fear: that one day one of them might not come back from a mission. They both know it's there, hovering over them each time they kiss before parting to climb into their ships, but why give it more power when there's nothing they can do about it? They're warriors, have been from the moment they met, and it's just a fact of who they are. The odds of both of them surviving until the end of this war are small, but they're not going to let that color what they have now, take away from the miracle that the opposite might happen.

Everything changes when they return from the mercy mission at Caraxl and learn that the hyperspace anomaly they experienced on the way was a byproduct of the First Order's Starkiller Base destroying the New Republic.

Tallie's mouth drops open as she listens numbly. Paige's hand clutches hers as her other arm wraps tightly around Rose. Tallie is truly afraid for the first time she can remember.

And it only gets worse. Cobalt Squadron's return is too late for them to assist in the battle, and though Starkiller is destroyed, the First Order knows where they are. They have to evacuate.

The news comes in, and Tallie barely has time to find Paige before they lift off to cover the retreat. She finds her alone, Rose having been reassigned from the _Hammer_ to the _Raddus_ , and drags her into an embrace.

Paige holds her tightly, nuzzling into her hair and pressing little kisses along her cheek. “I love you,” she says, and Tallie's heart flips, because it's the first time.

“I love you too,” she says back, fierce and sure, as if daring the galaxy to do something about it. “We're going to win this, right?”

Paige gives her that same grin she did the first day they kissed. “The Resistance will beat the First Order. Good will always win, whether we're both still here in the end or not.”

It's the closest they've come to saying it out loud, and Tallie's breath catches painfully in her chest.

“We've got incoming,” comes a loud voice, and Paige glances over to see Poe Dameron jogging by. “Get to your ships.”

Tallie turns back to Paige and suddenly she doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know why this parting feels different than the others.

Paige touches her cheek and smiles. “Promise me something.”

“Of course.”

“If anything happens to me–”

“It won't.”

“Shh.” Paige kisses her lightly. “Take care of Rose, okay?”

Tallie swallows. “I will.” She's trying not to imagine what going on without Paige would be like for her, and she doesn't want to think about how Rose would react to losing her sister either.

“Thank you.” Paige hugs her tight, then steps toward the _Hammer._ “Now, let's show the First Order who's really in control of this galaxy, hey?”

 

iv.

Tallie is flying more on autopilot than anything as she lands on the _Raddus_ shortly before it goes to hyperspace. The Resistance destroyed a First Order Dreadnought, but they lost the entirety of their bomber fleet. They lost Paige. _She_ lost Paige.

She can't even cry as she sits there in her cockpit, feeling the tremor around her as the big ship jumps to lightspeed. All she can feel is shock. She tries to make the victory bigger, but she can't manage it. The woman she loved is gone. She's alone.

Rose will know already, but Tallie will have to talk to her. She promised Paige to take care of her, and she's not going to go back on that. Rose will blame her; Tallie knows that too, and she knows she deserves it. Tallie was meant to be protecting those bombers, and she couldn't save even one.

(In that back of her head, she knows it wasn't her fault, but logic can't overcome grief, not yet.)

She finds Rose deep in the bowls of the ship, next to a bank of escape pods.

“People are trying to desert,” Rose explains dully, indicating an electro-shock prod on her belt. “I was told to dissuade them.”

Tallie nods silently as she takes a seat next to her. It makes sense. They may have brought down one ship, but D'Qar was still a rout. People are afraid. She's afraid.

“Paige–” Rose says finally, shaky, then stumbles into silence.

Tallie touches her hand. “She managed to drop the bombs in the end. That Dreadnought wouldn't have fallen without her.”

Rose lets out a quiet, wet sound that breaks into a sob a second later. “I can't believe she's gone.”

“Me either.” Tallie swallows and forces words out of her aching throat. “I'm sorry.”

Rose looks at her, eyes shiny with tears, head tilted as if she doesn't understand. “It wasn't your fault.”

“I–”

Rose's face changes, and for a moment she looks more angry than sad. “I know you did everything you could to protect her. It's this whole kriffing war – it did this to all of us.” Then her head drops again, outrage just as quickly spent.

Tallie doesn't know what to say after that. She sits with Rose for awhile, listening to her cry, trying to think of words of comfort. But everything she comes up with she plays back for herself, none of it actually helpful, so she lets the words die unspoken.

 

v.

Tallie seems to have lost her sense of time. She doesn't know how long she's been sitting there before her wingmate, Stomeroni Starck, comes looking for her. He pauses at the scene he comes across, then says quietly, “Command is saying we should get some rest in case we run into more trouble. They haven't assigned us pilots quarters yet, but the ready room is wide open.”

“I'll be there in a minute. Thanks, Starck.” He nods and disappears again, and Tallie turns back to Rose. “Will you be okay?”

Rose doesn't answer for a long moment, and Tallie understands. “Okay” is such a loaded concept, especially now. “Go,” the younger woman says finally. “The fleet is going to need you.”

Tallie squeezes her hand and gets to her feet. “I'll find you later. How does that sound? We've still got each other.”

Rose gives her a tiny, brave smile and nods.

Tallie treks to the ready room beside the hangar where she'd left her ship and finds it filled with sleeping bodies. Some are stretched across couches, others sprawled in chairs. Starck is angled awkwardly across the floor, snoring loudly. She finds herself an empty corner and curls up, sinking almost immediately into sleep.

And into a nightmare. She can't see the bombers, but she knows she has to protect them. Screams indicate their positions, but just as soon fade. Paige's voice rings out: _I love you. If anything happens to me–_ Then an explosion, and she's gone again.

Tallie wakes feeling far less than rested, scrubbing at watering eyes. Her fellow pilots are already milling around, readying themselves for battle.

“Trouble,” Starck says when he spots her, and offers a hand up. “We're headed back to our ships.”

As she tries to wake herself up further, he leads her toward the door and fills her in. Somehow the First Order has followed them through hyperspace. Another battle awaits.

Tallie is in her cockpit again before she knows it, running a start-up sequence. The engines warm to life with a familiar, reassuring sound, and she lets everything else fall from her mind. Battle is easy. That's what she tells herself. Clear mind, straight shooting. Revenge.

She glances over at Starck in his X-wing and throws him a salute. Then, an odd noise, and she looks up – sees a bright flash at the hangar entrance and jerks back in her seat.

Incoming missiles.

Tallie reflexively throws up a hand to cover her face, knowing even then that it won't save her, and then she knows nothing else.


End file.
